We already know Ferris Bueller was right about a lot of things, way back in the dark ages of the 80s. Life does come at you fast. But I not sure how to slow it down. I mean, a stay at home order for COVID is one way of slowing down. I mean slowing down the washing machine of insanity around us. The swirling news, breaking horror, cruelty and stupid that is flung at us non-stop.
I had one of those – better slow down – moments recently. Like in 48 hours, I realized a good colleague was not going to live much longer thanks to colon cancer; the world would know I am Oakland University’s distinguished alumni of the year; and I may also have cancer.
Take all that in.
I was first sad about Jamie, knowing his wife and kids were soon going to be trapped in the netherworld of being grateful that he is no longer suffering, but angry and sad that he is gone too soon at 48. I have been in that world with Jeni, and the pain of all of those powerful emotions rips you open for a while. I don’t wish it on anybody.
The OU thing is cool, unexpected and I am grateful. I never needed awards tell me I am doing the right things. But having something realize you are working hard is lovely. So thank you.
And me. Yeah. The thoughts running through my head while they biopsied were wild. What do I do if this is cancer? Is this what Jamie, Jeni, my mom, Michelle all felt like before they were told they had cancer? Michelle and my mom are still here. Jamie and Jeni are not. And no, do NOT believe the lie when they say it shouldn’t hurt. I call massive bullshit. It hurt, it sucked and you do it because you need to know. You go into your head and pretend you don’t feel what you feel.
Jamie dies. And I wait. I found out 5 days later that I don’t have cancer, and I am relieved. I’m grateful that I have access to healthcare that lets me know that. But I am also pissed that health care can’t save people like Jamie, who want to live and need to be here.
We all need to take better care of each other. More respect. Less cruelty. It’s just so obvious. So that will be my mantra for the rest of the year. Care. Be there. Love.
Try it. And don’t make life come at your so fast.